Okay, We have been dealing with a lot of serious things. Code Enforcement, Politics and other issues.
Lets introduce some more levitiy ala The Prarie Home Companion Joke show.
What is your favorite joke?
Criteria: No racially or sexually offensive jokes or obscene jokes. That means you cannot post The Aristocrats. Political jokes are okay. The joke can be simple. It can be obscure. Whatever. By the way Blond Jokes are not sexually offensive. They are a fact of life.
My favorite is
"Q. How do you get down from an elephant?
A. You don't. You get down from a duck."
This is one of my favorites because I did not get it for 5 years. I heard the joke and the answer and for some bizarre reason my synapses were not connecting and I did not get it. At some point in college, it came to me out of the blue and I understood it. Silly joke that any 10 year old should get. What makes this funnier is that I often make my own jokes for myself that have the most tenous connections and I could not get this obvious one.
My second favorite is a joke involving my college. I went to Ateneo De Manila University. Our Arch rivals went to De La Salle University:
An Atenean and De La Sallian are in the bathroom at a basketball game between the two school. After they finish using the urinals the Atenean goes to walk out of the bathroom without washing his hands.
The De La Sallian says: "In La Salle they teach us to wash our hands."
The Atenean replies "In Ateneo they teach us not to pee on our hands".
Ok its silly and sophmoric, but hey why not.
What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
ReplyDelete"DAM!"
The leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Budweiser orders a Bud, the CEO of Miller gets a Miller, the head of Coors orders a Coors, and so on. Until it's Arthur Guinness's turn. He orders a soda.
ReplyDelete"Why didn't you order a Guinness?" everyone asks.
Guinness replies, "if you guys aren't having beer, then neither will I."
Not a joke, but a riddle:
ReplyDeleteYou are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your right side is a valley and on your left side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Scroll down for answer:
Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round
A blonde walks into a bar......
ReplyDelete...the brunette and redhead duck.
You can gong me now.
Q: What did the maxi-pad say to the fart?
ReplyDeleteA: "You are the wind beneath my wings."
I got a joke..what do you call 20 sex offenders living in one residential house?
ReplyDeleteRoommates.
What was JEFFREY Dalmers favorite
ReplyDeletemeal?
Manwhiches........there more like a meal.
When I die I hope I go like my grandfather, peacefully in my sleep, and not screaming in terror like his passengers.
ReplyDeleteMy wife likes to talk long distance on the phone during sex. Last night she called from Orlando.
ReplyDeleteI went to the doctor and he said I was dying. I said "Doc, I want a second opinion!" He said "Okay, you're ugly too!"